In my ex's divorce, he got the in-laws..she got a talking to. That's what happens when a woman leaves a marriage of 12 years for some high school sweetheart she reacquainted herself with on facebook while the husband is off serving his county in Iraq.
Yesterday I spent the afternoon with his ex's 89 year old grandmother. Strange as it seems; it is not as Jerry Springerish as it sounds. His ex moved hundreds of miles away to the next big city and seldom comes back to this neck of the woods to the area she abanonded her family, her teenage kids..blah blah blah.
Yes I admit it does seem a little focused on the ex, however the true story lies with the grandmother. In this town she has two grandchildren, 5 great grandchildren and lives with her own son. Despite the many, many family ties in town, seldom does anyone go out and spend time with her. The family does the occasional what I call "walking the old person", whereby they pick up the old aging person and transport them to some family event.
Having grown up in over 23 foster homes, and spent my life like a kid with her nose pressed in the window watching everyone else live their lives, this "family" abandonment leaves quite a bitter taste in my mouth. People that were raised in a family do not appreciate that they have one. In fact my inside view of the 23 homes unveiled to me that most people with families dread going to Holiday events because they "really don't care for uncle Bob". Or maybe they had a hissy fit with a cousin..or the sister is living a life they don't approve of. The gatherings are a gossip circle in disguise, where people get together and quietly discuss the drama and "secrets" that no one has the balls to talk about out loud. Of course we have Facebook for this now, and yet still its not a here's what I think but small chasers that beg for people to beg for the gossip in tidbits.
So in this quiet gathering with the grandmother or as I call her my "outlaw", I felt deeply saddened. This elderly woman approaching 90 is truly alone. Other than being "walked" on occasion, she spends her days and most nights alone in a big house. She gardens quite beautifully and has fallen in love with her only life companion, a cat.
As we spoke, my saddened heart, craving a grandmother of my own, asked all the questions. What was her favorite meal to cook? Does she have recipes she shares. I felt even sadder, as I watched her and realized that her arthritis is so bad that she can hardly cut meat. Her meals? Whatever is left over from her son. Her limited budget prevents her from buying food, and if she is unable to open something she goes without.
I reveled in the time of asking questions and learning and sharing and realizing what a cruel world it really is. My challenge to you??
Don't walk the old person. Spend time with your grandmother or grandfather. Realize they "wont" be there forever. You are their legacy. In a few generations without your knowledge and passing the info along..the whole reason they existed...which is to create you and prove their life had something worth passing along=== will die with them.
Take the time to spend with your brother or sister, or cousin and have an attitude of gratitude. Because you have it doesn't mean you have it if you don't have an attitude of gratitude and enjoy them.
I am thankful for the process of natural selection and there are exes that abandon their family. Turns out the ex learned the grass isn't greener on the other side. She has learned the life she had will never be as good, and I take a small amount of pleasure in knowing I found the end of the rainbow, she ignored. There are many like me that are so thankful for all they have and will greatly enjoy their discarded family and love them as the neglectful never could.
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